He shows up when we show up

Don't let the title of this post throw you. God is always there. He is always with you... when you can't see Him and when you're not looking for Him; when you can't hear Him and when you're not listening for Him; when you can't feel Him and even when you don't believe in Him. He's always there, waiting for us to invite Him in, to give Him our burdens, to trust Him, to lay down our lives for Him as He did for us. But when He asks us to give our lives for Him, it's usually not as literal as the way He gave His life for us.

Jesus asks us to die to our old way of life so that we might live anew in His way of life.

"'If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, 

take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, 

you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.'"

LUKE 9:23-24 NLT

What this basically boils down to is this: put the will of God before your own. Choose His desires for you rather than seeking out your earthly desires. Choosing God's desires means that you are grateful for what He has given you, wait in hopeful expectation of what He will provide (even though you don't know exactly what that will be), and trust that His plan for you is far better than any plan you can make for yourself. When you can do that, you can find peace in your current situation (no matter the circumstances) that you will never find seeking out your earthly desires. We have a tendency to seek happiness and joy anywhere but where we are. But the only place we'll ever find it is in the present moment and present place.

Many seek earthly wealth, but God will shower you with abundance. Gratitude makes us rich in appreciation so that we don't need material wealth to satisfy our desires.

Many seek power, but true joy comes from serving others. Jesus, the son of God, knelt down to wash the feet of his disciples on the night before His death. The creator of the universe took on the role of servant to mere man to teach us that we were created to serve.

Many seek acceptance from their so-called peers, but God—the most powerful being in the universe—accepts just as you are. He loves you too much to leave you there, but He is waiting for you to accept Him with the same intensity and passion that He has accepted you.

Many seek freedom, but when we bend our knee to Jesus, it frees us from the tyranny of earth and the chains of death. It's not about what happens to you when you die, but the freedom you receive in this moment, in this place, and in whatever circumstance you find yourself. 

Many seek peace, but there is no greater peace than the peace given by God. That is the peace of a child in the care of a loving parent; the peace of a bird singing simply for the joy of it; the peace of a tree growing mighty and strong in the middle of a field; the peace of trust, joy, gratitude, and hope... all planted securely on a firm foundation.

Most seek love, but there is no greater love than the love of Jesus dying on the cross to redeem us. This phrase is used so much that, for many, it has lost its power of imagery, but when you can truly imagine what Jesus endured in those final hours, it is then that you understand what a sacrifice He made. 

He was beaten to near death. The whip used was designed for quickly removing skin. It had sharp metal pieces that would dig into the skin and tear it when it was pulled to release. They placed a purple robe on Him to mock Him. "King of the Jews," they called Him. But that robe did more than mock Him. Have you ever worn clothes over an open wound? It burns and pokes and pulls on what is already painful. They pushed a crown of thorns onto His head. Not the kind of thorns you would find on a rose bush. These are long thorns that would deeply puncture and cause extreme pain. They were likely driven not only into the top of His head, but into His eyes, ears and cheeks as well.

He was then forced to carry His cross, more specifically the crossbeam—which itself weighed about 100 pounds—for a mile to where He would be crucified. He was so weak from the torture He had already suffered that He couldn't even carry it. He buckled under the weight, so a man, Simon of Cyrene, was called from the crowd of watchers to help Him carry it the remainder of the way.

Once he arrived at Golgotha, the place where He would be crucified, He was nailed to the cross. Let that sink in a moment. He was nailed to the cross. Large spikes would have been driven between the bones in His wrist to bear His weight while He hung on the cross. His feet would have been positioned with one on top of the other, with a single spike driven through both feet between the metatarsal bones in order to, again, bear His weight.

When the cross was upright, the suffering would continue. As His body sagged on the cross, it would cut off His airways, making it difficult to breath. He would have had to push up on the nail in His feet and pull up on the nails in His wrists just to breath. All the while, He was naked as people stood around cheering, laughing, and hurling insults at Him. He would have likely seen the anguish on the faces of His friends and loved ones. And He would continue the cycle of His body sagging, cutting off His airways, pushing/pulling on the nails to just take a breath. And each time he pulled His body up, the wounds on His back would scrape against the wooden cross. I'm sure it wasn't sanded down to a smooth finish. I wonder how much this continued to rip His back apart and how many long wooden splinters were driven into the open wounds. And this would last for hours.

And, He did this for us. Not just for all of us collectively, but for each and every one of us. The distinction is subtle, but worth pointing out. As He made the choice to die for us—and like all people on earth, He had free will to make a choice—He had in mind each and every person that had ever lived and would ever live with the realization that not one of us could ever earn our salvation. That's not to say that there aren't good people in the world, by earthly standards. But we are not judged by earthly standards. We are judged by God's standards.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

ROMANS 3:23 NIV

Jesus endured that suffering, and He—the only wholly (and holy) innocent man who has ever lived—died a criminal's death, filled with torture, humiliation, and unimaginable pain, so that we might be redeemed of our sins. He was the sacrificial lamb that cleansed all of mankind of our sins.

"And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that 

came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, 

through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith."

ROMANS 3:24, 25 NIV

It was in this context that I had an epiphany the other day. I had a vision of Jesus making His decision to choose God's will and accept His role as sacrificial lamb for all of mankind. In my vision, as He prepared Himself for what was about to come, He said, "Tonua needs this." He said it out loud and with resolution. I wept at the thought, and it still moves me enough to bring tears to my eyes as I'm writing this. I always imagined that when Jesus died for all of us, it was for the collective all of us... as if He had seen in His mind's eye all of the people of earth gathered together pleading and hoping for an eternity in Light. In that moment, I realized that whether Jesus saw it in His mind's eye or not, that was what God saw when He sent His one and only Son; He saw each one of us individually. He didn't look at us as a group that needed saving. He saw each of us individuals—each and every one of us—that needed His help. And He knew that our only hope is through Him.

Let's be clear, I am not saying that He saw some of us and decided that there were enough worthy people for Him to save us. He saw each of us and loved all of us enough to save every one of us, worthy or not. His love for us is what gives us worth. We don't do anything to earn that love, mercy and grace. We can't. It's not even possible for us to earn it. It is given to us freely and without condition. But understanding that He saw me as an individual when He chose the cross makes it more personal than just being one in a crowd of many. And this is how He saw each of us.

It leaves me with a choice... and I do get to make that choice. I get to choose whether I will give my life to Him when He gave His life for me. When we say yes (and most of us have to continue to say yes daily and even more often), we receive all that He has to offer: grace, peace, joy, acceptance, abundance, strength, and, above all, love. But those gifts come on His terms, His timing, His methods, His will. They are not dictated by our circumstances, our perspectives, or our feelings. They are not interpreted by earthly standards. They are defined by holy standards.

So, by giving my life to Him, I get to lay down my troubles, anxiety, and fears at his feet and trust that He will use my circumstances for His purposes and the good of all. And trust that He will bring me through, and as a result, it will bring me closer to Him and more like Him.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good 

of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

ROMAN 8:28 NLT

God didn't prevent me from having breast cancer, but through the breast cancer, He helped me return to my faith, grow in my relationship with Him, learn how to trust Him, and gain peace in pretty scary circumstances.

The price for all of that is that I must let Him grow in me. I must choose His will over mine. I must allow Him to work through me. Sometimes that means stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things that feel uncomfortable... or not doing things that do feel comfortable. It means forgiving people who I would deem as unforgivable. It means loving the unlovable. It means pouring out the same grace to those around me that He poured out for us. Sometimes it simply means that things don't unfold in the time or way that I want. But when it does happen, I can see God's hand at work, and I begin to understand why He chose to work in the way that He does. Other times, I can't see the ripple effect, but I can trust that He used the circumstance for His purposes.

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, 

but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the 

Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the 

grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us 

right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die."

GALATIONS 2:20 NLT

I choose His way... most of the time. When I don't, and I start to drift, I feel out of control, anxious about my circumstances, numb to the world around me, afraid of what might happen to me, and I am constantly seeking something that will make me feel more secure, more in control, comfortable and happy.

When I choose His way, I am filled with peace and joy. I have more patience, I can forgive more easily, and I give more freely. That's when I hear Him more clearly, see Him at work, and feel His presence in every part of my life. And even when I can't hear, see or feel Him, I still trust Him, and I feel strong in whatever I might face.

Showing up means to choose Him. By showing up, we allow Him to do in us what we can't do on our own. He's always there, but we have to invite Him in, and sometimes (more often than not), we have to invite Him in over and over again, because we keep shutting Him out. When we do show up and invite Him in, He usually doesn't change our circumstances, but He always changes us.